10 Years
by an Unkindness
LittleLuckyLink
LittleLuckyLink
The writing and composition reflects and beautifully conveys growth throughout the journey of life. There's a lovely balance of uplifting, melancholy, reflection, and imagination that makes this an un-skippable album for me. Often times, I'll finish it and start it over from the beginning.
Favorite track: Spools of Thread.
thelegendofgroose
thelegendofgroose
So much emotion in every lyric of every song, everything is so personal and yet relatable, and the instrumentation complements the emotion so well, being in some ways melancholic and others beautiful. Adum constantly proves he's more than just a funny movie video man and this album might be my favorite thing he's ever created.
Favorite track: Acceptance.
Doreen Manning
Gavin
Ariamaki
underwater_cardinal
William
cabbageman
Duke Lasagnor
Daniel Medina
itswilheim
synrey
SteakManOohRaRa
Morry
timpanidumpy
bibabonanza
hot_skeleton
ArcticFoxXxX
CardiacShotgun
k-leb
konklusjon
Exlevin
calamarc
a2-_
funwalker
renere
efishies15
Outer Estate
jpvinnie
Jay_4.16
Yōkai Yūrei
Hannah Smith
Zeeborg 9
Alex
rcwyatt
BennyHill500
H∆NИ∆H
dekeizh
David
GunBuster07
Gunner
mctallica
Artemisia.Fra
williamvds
Aidan K.
EyeSackMummy
TDW
Greencloud
mando
Hugo Herbert
SmilingAtConfusion
J3579A
subject_beef
mav6771
SigmaCataklism
VenusAdonis
glassesping
starprism
James Gibbons
Rexam
insolentrootrat
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Digital Album
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1. |
Spools of Thread
05:19
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If you really don't believe me, you can tell me that I'm wrong.
And I'd really like to look around, but my night-light won't turn on.
It won't turn on.
It won't turn on.
It won't turn on.
And you know it's gonna hurt,
and you never say a word.
If you want to understand me, sometimes you have to read the lines.
As my tear-soaked pillow drowns me, I can see through all your lies.
Through all your lies.
Through all your lies.
Through all your lies.
And you don't want me to curse,
well, fuck you.
And you want me to smile,
well I try to.
And you know it's gonna hurt,
and you never say a word.
And every tree you've planted just turns back into dirt.
And you know just what you prayed for,
well I'm proof that doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
The spool of thread that's in my head; it won't spin the other way again.
The spool of thread that's in my head; it won't spin the other way again.
The spool of thread that's in my head; it won't spin the other way again.
The spool of thread that's in my head; it won't spin the other way again for me.
For me.
And I wanted to change,
so I did,
and I want to die...
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2. |
The Scab
03:34
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I've got a secret.
It's bleeding through my eyes.
I might just keep it.
It's part of my disguise.
I'm going down and down and down and down and down and down and deeper.
I never go to sleep but I try to be a dreamer.
I never go to sleep.
I never go to sleep.
I never go to sleep.
Please let me go to sleep.
Isn't this fun?
Look at how normal you are.
You've got your wife and you've got your good book and you've got your mediocre car.
I've got a scab inside my throat.
It expands each time I poke.
When will the world finally know my entire life is one big fucking inside joke
going down and down and down and down and down and down and deeper.
I never go to sleep but I try to be a dreamer.
I never go to sleep.
I never go to sleep.
I never go to sleep.
Please let me go to sleep.
Please let me go to sleep.
I want to go to sleep.
I want to go to sleep.
Isn't this fun?
Isn't this fun?
Isn't this fun?
Please tell me you're having fun.
You'd better be cuz I'm sure as hell not.
I'm going down and down and down and down and down and down and deeper.
I never go to sleep but I try to be a dreamer.
I never go to sleep.
I never go to sleep.
I never go to sleep.
Please let me go to sleep.
Please let me go to sleep.
I want to go to sleep.
I want to go to sleep.
I try to go to sleep.
I've got to find a way to sleep.
I've got to find a way to sleep.
I swear I'll find a way to sleep.
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3. |
Wish Sticks
03:51
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I cut back one drug and excess on another
and it's always by myself
but when my friends are here to distract me from me,
it usually seems to help
but I guess that's just as well
that I'm here all by myself
and nothing seems to help
when my thoughts reside in Hell
You know you control me
and you speak through my head from your metal lips
and you'll tell me what you think might help myself
I thought you might know me
of course, not quite entirely
but just enough to know I really needed your help
and the stone might break the glass
and we'll wait for it to pass
just like snow-covered grass
but I think it's time to grasp
this motivation that I lack
and I'll play the victim
and I'll play the mediator
because that's how I solved my problems as a child
and you'll be complaining
how my problems are not what I thought they were
and I'll try my very best to force a smile
and I'll think the night away. Yeah, I'll think the night away
because once I'm in my head, I can't escape
so I'll drink the night away. Yeah, I'll drink the night away
and I'll wonder if I'll ever be okay
and I know it sounds so blue
but I wouldn't be here without you.
I'll keep telling myself I won't kill myself just as long as I have my fingers,
but my wishes, oh, they outweigh my wish sticks.
You knew all too well I wouldn't take care of myself, but you could've leaded the right direction,
and it shows that that was something I was missing.
Now you want me dead so get out of my head. It was you that kept me breathing.
I was confident that you were here to stay.
Now I'll click refresh 'til my face turns red and I'm bleeding out my eyelids
just hoping,
just wishing,
for change.
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4. |
Freedom P1
03:42
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So you've got what you wanted
and you'll get what you deserve if you keep lying
and you'll keep lying to yourself
It becomes quite a problem
when you start to believe all your lies and buy them,
and you're a dealer for everyone else
But it's okay cuz now you've won.
You've been wielding your guns
shooting anyone who doesn't agree
with your verisimilitude half-truths
and your poison you'll spew out
on anything you find just too real
You broke my fucking heart
I'd put on a mask
if I wanted to communicate with you
but I'm not afraid
I'd die in that cage. Oh, I'd die in your cage
if you hadn't of set me free
Sometimes I think that you
only liked me because I agreed with you
and you admitted it yourself
It was with your motivation
I decided I'd drop out of school
and now you're teaching someone else
Because you're jealous and you're greedy
you can't stand to see a caterpillar
grow into a butterfly
You just want it for yourself
cuz you're the queen bee of your Hell
and you don't care who's on your side
Thank you for teaching me not to trust my broken heart.
Thank you for teaching me not to trust my broken heart.
Thank you for teaching me not to trust my broken heart.
Thank you for teaching me not to trust my broken heart.
Every fight you've picked is one that could be
said the same for you if you weren't so blind
You'll never grow. Oh, you'll never grow
if you never look outside
And you'll find someone else
to manifest your own problems into
to try to save your pride.
You'll die in that cage. Oh, you'll die in your cage
filled with shit you try to hide.
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5. |
Freedom P2
04:09
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It is not about trying to change your mind
and it is not about the past you left behind
or how cannot sleep because you meant so much.
It's about your mind; what you're afraid to touch.
What you're afraid to touch.
If you don't get what you want, you don't want anyone with it too.
There's more than one on this planet and we know that as well as you.
You want to be right.
You want to be right.
You want to be right.
Cuz when you say goodbye to a friend you left
it shouldn't hurt to cry about the times you shared
so when you close your eyes and see a giant mirror
try to tell yourself "I wish you were here"
And I'm falling short of my own reflection
and I'm falling down in the wrong direction.
You could save yourself if you could listen to someone else,
but as for me, I won't be coming back to Hell.
You admit you have issues with your pride
and you think that's reason enough to let it swallow you up inside.
How can you sleep knowing so much of yourself is built upon lies?
You won't see the truth, but you could see it too if you'd open your eyes.
You want to be right.
You want to be right.
You want to be right.
Cuz you don't want to hear when you've done something wrong.
You just plug your ears and try to play along
but no one likes a cheat and you like no one.
You've been on your turn for far too long.
And I'm falling short of my own reflection
and I'm falling down in the wrong direction.
You could save yourself if you could listen to someone else,
but as for me, I won't be coming back to Hell.
Yeah, that's right. I won't be coming back to Hell.
And I won't shut my mouth until I shut my head
and you won't scare me out of all the goals I've set
and after time to think, I think I'm better now.
I can climb without someone to drag me down.
You drag me down.
You drag me down.
You drag me down.
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6. |
Time Will Tell
03:32
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I can't sleep.
I'm too tired for this.
I don't want to be broken in and
whipped and trained to spend my days
in a place I hate for a measly wage.
It's just too much pain to work today.
I'll try to keep sane until I get paid
so I can feed myself another day.
It's just not my way.
I can't live this way.
It's just not my way.
I can't live this way.
I met a guy who says I'm pretty, I could be a model if I tried
but when we got to talking about tops and bottoms he lied, he lied.
Just please give me something to stop this ache.
Just please give me something to fill this lake.
Just please give me something my heart can take.
Just please give me something fake.
Maybe when I grow up I can paint it on my face;
Another name that I despise, one to take my place.
Then I'll be complete and I won't have to worry anymore
and I know I'm not the first to be so selfishly adored.
I told him that I just can't say those words, "You're mine, you're mine."
but if we were to go our separate ways today, I'd cry. I'd cry.
Just please let me know why I feel this way.
Just please make me feel confident today.
Just please understand that I can not stay.
Just please make it go away.
Maybe when I grow up I could be a better friend.
I'll learn a lesson I'll despise; one to clear my head.
When I turn to see, all of my worries will be gone
and I'll finally get some sense because I'll know that I was wrong.
Maybe when I grow up I'll see you standing there;
another place that I despise near all my fallen hair.
When I go to sleep, you won't have to worry again
because you'll know that I've done well, or I've convinced myself I did.
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7. |
Stop the Hand
04:23
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You see dating's just a tool I use
to figure out that I don't love someone.
Heart is a clock but I just sleep through my alarm.
And now it seems I've finally found someone
but his heart belongs to someone else.
I can't stop the hand from turning with my arm.
So it's just another night I cannot sleep.
Just another flashing light I'm forced to see,
but at least I've tried. I've tried so hard to close my eyes
and sleep through my screams.
Now it seems I've lost myself.
What I want today might change as well.
Chasing my way out of Hell
with invisible tape on my damaged shell
and he really likes me too, I guess,
with all those nights we spent undressed.
Hope, to him, I'm not just someone else.
And we listened to the pain we shared
as we walked and talked in the cold night air
and I told him he was filling up a void.
I said "Holes they can dig deeply, yes,
they can eat you up inside your chest so
listen close while I digest and
tell you why my eyes are red.
It was just another sign I could not see.
It was just the final time she made me bleed
and she saw me cry when I was tired of all her lies,
then she turned from me."
Now the stress shows through my face
with more tension in my living space.
Finally come face to face
with the man I thought would scare me away
but we stayed up all night like before.
Each story told made me think more
that I hope that he will trust in me someday
cuz I'm not just gonna lie right to his face
so I hope that I don't make the same mistakes
But I'll try
to decide
something for myself
without someone to guide my mind
but I'll still deny
that I'd be happier if I kept my mind off "why"
Oh, why?
Oh, why?
Oh, why?
Oh, why?
Oh, why?
Oh, why?
It was just another mask I've come to be.
It was just another insecurity
but at least I've tried. You can't deny that I've tried
to see objectively.
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8. |
The Prophet
04:50
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I've already told you I'm not a reflection
so stop using me as a mirror for yourself.
You must really hate yourself.
How many times have I proved I'm not here to threaten?
The demon you mean to kill is in yourself
but you're attacking someone else.
You need to believe we are lost without your wisdom
but you can't feel who is caught up in the middle.
You say what's good for all, but what's "good" for you?
You compare me to a drug, well I can do that to you.
You say it's for him and you know it's for you.
You can't stand to see someone as wanted as you
from his eyes that are tired from this bickering.
I'd kill myself now if that tiger could sing
but you're speaking for him and I don't live for you.
You can dodge all you want then claim I'm dodging you.
But I've already told you I'm not a reflection
so stop using me as a mirror for yourself.
You must really hate yourself.
No, this is not the first time I've dealt with projection.
The girl I loved struck me a crippled spell
but couldn't see the parallels.
You wanted more power because you once thought you had none,
but overcompensation can only fuck the balance.
You say I'm bad for him, but that's you to me.
Try and claim that's not a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You say you're all-knowing but you fail to see
we all know psychotherapy is a bullshit degree
to use as an excuse for what you say.
You could be fighting either side and justified the same way but
cycling through synonyms keeps it the same.
You can put up your wall then say I ran away.
But I've already told you I'm not a reflection
so stop using me as a mirror for yourself.
You must really hate yourself.
How many times have I proved I'm not here to threaten?
The demon you mean to kill is in yourself
but you're attacking someone else.
So motherfucker answer me
when I speak to you. You're not thirteen.
You're forty-four. You should know more than me.
Every time you laugh at me
there's a piece of you that sees between
the conceited, condescending words you speak.
I did not steal your life and I can govern mine
and still you criticize when you're no better.
Once more you've missed the point.
It's not "you're wrong" or "I'm right".
You lack objective eyes and I'm no better.
But still you scream and shout, but he won't make a sound,
so when you push around do you feel better?
Your pattern's clear right now. He'll never be allowed.
If you'd just hear me out, then we'd feel better.
You'll never ban my life in your myopic fight.
I won't shut my eyes to make it better.
And once I'm past this round, I'll no longer be found,
but it won't bring me down because I'll feel better.
You don't know how hard I've tried (no),
and you can't see the thoughts he hides,
and truth be told, I have lost my soul
to love that has no life.
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9. |
Strides
03:00
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Every day it seems I lost myself
but I have tried to calm my strides
And just today it seems that I'm a fool
cuz I have tried to compromise
myself to them
like they care at all
when I change myself
they will watch me fall.
I'm finding love's a reason to complain
and you say I'm still young,
but how it hurts you when you're young.
I'm just looking for a greener place
and you say it's been done,
but I don't care if it's been done.
So don't claim you're unable to convince yourself
to a kid who convinced himself he was straight
from birth 'til twelve or thirteen. It was working
'til the world seemed it was out to hurt me.
Trust me don't you blame yourself
from a man who once blamed himself for the faults of
those who tried to trick me. It convinced me
I was slipping, I just needed fixing.
Now I know
they weren't friends at all.
When I change myself
I will watch them fall.
I'm finding love's a reason to complain
and you say I'm still young,
but how it hurts you when you're young.
I'm just looking for a greener place
and you say it's been done,
but I don't care if it's been done.
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10. |
Anything
05:39
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I can only sleep once I'm too tired to think,
cuz I'm still pretty sure that there's no absolute certainty.
And my self-medication still has side-effects.
I just wish I could cure what's in my head.
Oh, I just need anything.
I just need anything.
I just need anything.
Though I have many wishes, sometimes
all I want is for you to see me for what I am
and not what I'm called, though I'm one to talk.
And if I changed all my ways, would I still be me?
It's been done once before, and he's not coming back,
but what'd you say to him?
You said he could be anything.
You said I could be anything.
You said I could be anything.
You said I could be anything.
You can move anywhere, but it's the same damn moon
and you might hate the fact that I'm looking too,
but if you stare hard enough maybe I'll come back soon,
but just don't look away. It's no use.
I know you've seen it and I've seen it too.
Yeah, you know I've seen it too.
Yeah, you know I've seen it too.
Yeah, you know I've seen it too.
Yeah, you know I've seen it too.
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11. |
Alternative Treatment
04:19
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Don't you know there was a time
these decisions were not mine and I was sent for help
but what I began to find
is it hurts to have my mind looking on itself.
Well, you don't need therapy.
You're smarter than your parents see.
Who cares if they took care of me?
It's fair to say they're scared of me.
Help me care to see
that there's a deeper harmony.
Life could be your fantasy
if you could see
You don't need that.
You don't need that.
You don't need that.
You don't need that.
I still remember when you told me I shit on your life.
I still remember when you told me you were sorry.
Now when you tell me that you love me, I can't make a sound.
I guess it goes to show the lows can weigh you down.
When I'm searching for a soul
each new detail that I know only turns to doubt.
'Til the screaming in my head,
it shouts "Either get me off or get off me now".
Well, you don't need dope, I mean,
you hold plenty of dopamine.
Grow new teeth and hope to clean
the poems that he once spoke to me.
Hold these frozen dreams
and store 'em in a melody.
Like could be your symphony
if you could see
You don't need that.
You don't need that.
You don't need that.
You don't need that.
Well, I found love.
It only lasts a week.
I don't wanna hurt.
Why do they love me?
Yeah, I found love.
It only lasts a week
and if I haven't learned
I'll just burn the other cheek.
I forgot those seven thoughts
could form above my mouth.
From now 'til then
I'll force this conversation out.
Well you don't need sympathy
to break away from misery.
Ditch all of the fear you feel's
a sin to even live with me.
Toss these stupid drinks
and make a mental music sheet.
Life could be your lucid dream
if you could see
You don't need that.
You don't need that.
You don't need that.
You don't need that.
Now I've been far and wide searching for miracles
but once you know someone they're just predictable
and keeping that in mind, I'll sing a simple sigh:
Na na na na na na.
I still remember when you told me I shit on your life.
I still remember when you told me you were sorry.
Now when you tell me that you love me, I can't make a sound.
I guess it goes to show the lows can weigh you down.
I still remember when you hurt me and ruined my life.
I still remember when you finally said you're sorry.
Now when I tell you that's behind me, I still have my doubts.
I guess it goes to show the lows can weigh you down.
I guess it goes to show the lows can weigh you down.
I guess it goes to show the lows can weigh you down.
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12. |
Acceptance
08:32
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Another line on the page I throw out.
Another sight on display; I throw up.
Anesthetized, I'm back here again. Swallow down.
What's left to find in this place? I go out.
And all I see, it can't be named.
Just what I see,
it has me believing that I am not here to stay
And that's okay.
Yeah, that's alright.
I saw my future today. I did "well".
Was it Wellbutrin or fame? I can't tell.
It's something new, and I'm desperate for change. Might as well.
I guess I'm used to this game of myself.
And all I hear, it calls my name.
Just what I hear,
it caused me to fear that the end is not far away
And that's okay.
Yeah, that's alright.
Another lie on the page I show off.
A new disguise for the day I wake up.
But who decides when nobody's offering? Ha. Ha. Ha.
I guess I'll try a new face I don't love.
And all I feel, it brings me shame.
Just what I feel,
it caused me to deal with my mind in dangerous ways
And that's okay.
Yeah, that's alright.
I filled the skies with your names and fell down.
Hospitalized for three days. I fucked up.
But in my eyes were friends dying everywhere, all my fault.
I guess I'll find, in this place, a new song.
And all I love, it don't exist.
So I guess that's one
to add to the list of the ways I'm misunderstood
And that's no good,
but I think I'll be alright.
For every time you tried to help.
You fucked it up but meant so well.
Every time you told yourself
"It gets good", no, "It gets better".
It seems you're cursed from the start.
You struggle just to play the part.
Death by a broken heart
waiting for it to get better.
And if you can't get used to this,
you'd better start to work through it.
You're chasing carrots on a stick
but I won't stop 'til it gets better.
And every time you stayed awake
for every little choice you made.
It's over now, accept your fate.
This is you now. This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
This is you.
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about
A chronological album featuring songs I wrote over a 10 year period. It tells the story of growth, change, and acceptance.
credits
released September 28, 2020
Music and Lyrics written by Adam Johnston
Produced by Adam Johnston
Piano, Vocals, Drums, Cello, Clarinet, Acoustic Guitar, Saxophone, Ukulele, Accordion, Synth, Organ: Adam Johnston
Bass: Adam Johnston, Sandy McKerchar
Electric Guitar: Axel Attal, Daniel Mazur, Adam Johnston
Violin, Trumpet: Ned Wilkinson, Adam Johnston
Flute: Ned Wilkinson
Tuba: Jackson Parodi
Double Bass: Michael Rush
Recorded at Monarch Studios: monarchstudios.com
Audio Engineers: Olivia Quan, Scot Wallace, Alex Penney
Mastering: Andrew Spindor www.railtownmastering.com
Album art by Lovisa Morin: twitter.com/LovisaArt
Special Thanks: Chris Stein, Debbie Harry, Fox Amoore, Pepper Coyote, my friends and family
Music and Lyrics written by Adam Johnston
Produced by Adam Johnston
Piano, Vocals, Drums, Cello, Clarinet, Acoustic Guitar, Saxophone, Ukulele, Accordion, Synth, Organ: Adam Johnston
Bass: Adam Johnston, Sandy McKerchar
Electric Guitar: Axel Attal, Daniel Mazur, Adam Johnston
Violin, Trumpet: Ned Wilkinson, Adam Johnston
Flute: Ned Wilkinson
Tuba: Jackson Parodi
Double Bass: Michael Rush
Recorded at Monarch Studios: monarchstudios.com
Audio Engineers: Olivia Quan, Scot Wallace, Alex Penney
Mastering: Andrew Spindor www.railtownmastering.com
Album art by Lovisa Morin: twitter.com/LovisaArt
Special Thanks: Chris Stein, Debbie Harry, Fox Amoore, Pepper Coyote, my friends and family
license
tags
discography
-
Sep 2020 -
Mar 2013 -
Feb 2010 -
Nov 2009